At the age of 14 she married, and soon she became pregnant. Their marriage was tumultuous; he had affairs, and she was headstrong; their life together helped to inspire her music. Forgot your password?
Retrieve it. Get promoted. Powered by OnRad. Think you know music? Hi Lauren, great question. Do you just want to get by until around 40? Most people with borderline find the symptoms far more manageable by then, although of course they might also find themselves alone and lonely, with money problems, and not excelling like they might have in their careers.
You can try to practice some of their tools alone. But if you really want to have a long term loving relationship and reach the goals you have for yourself, it is far faster and more productive to seek support. One of the main issues with BPD is that we are unable to see ourselves as others see ourselves.
Talk therapies alone can lead to huge results, without any need for medication. Hope that helps. Thanks so much for sharing this. We can hear how much you want this. And that is courageous, to state it here. The next step simply has to be getting the support to make the steps between lonely and loved which yes, we entirely do feel possible for you. And taking a good look at what is really behind that perfectionism and fear of commitment. You might find schema therapy interesting, we have articles about it on here.
If you wanted to try a short-term therapy, cognitive analytic therapy CAT focuses just on relationships, as does dynamic interpersonal therapy DIT. We wish you courage!
I block them out, I find every flaw in them and push them away. I hate that I am like this. I just want to be happy. I just prefer my own company. Nothing more. At some point, I ended up thinking I was lesbian but unfortunately its the same towards girls. Yes, shame can definitely hold us back from love. The media gives a completely unrealistic idea that by 15 we should be in love and sexual…. And then there are also some people who are asexual. The question here is, are you happy like this?
Do you feel okay with it? On the other hand, does it upset you a lot? Does it make day-to-day living hard? Do you suspect that there are other deep-rooted issues behind it? If so, then do seek professional support. But you are not the pattern. In any case, medication would not stop this pattern.
Medication lowers anxiety ad depression temporarily, it is not a longterm solution. What you need is a therapist you can trust who uses a form of therapy that would actually help. And you need to stick it out even when it gets hard, as this pattern, or liking then pushing away, will actually play out with you and the therapist, too.
Interesting article!. Apparently she was aware of this from the start but it did not come to to light to me until 13 or so years into our marriage after she was charged with DUI. Turns out the entire marriage was filled with her Dr shopping for narcotics and anti-anxiety meds, drinking and other illegal drug use among other BPD indicators.
As we proceeded through the divorce process there were many indications of her sleeping around with multiple guys through the entire marriage. Her BPD separating me from friends and ultimately her trying to separate me from my family. Long story short, she is off and having a grand old time working on her next husband I was number 2; no. I am now damaged goods, not trusting, questioning my self, wondering what else I could have, should have done, in therapy for many years.
Not proud of who I am now but I accept it. I no longer have a desire to be in love for me it is a fallacy , though I do miss the companionship of coming to home to my best friend, I miss being intimate, I miss my old friendships that she was able to sabotage — the list goes on.
Starting over at 50 is tough! I have never been in a relationship. I am always scared if I will ever be better than their ex. Indian culture is very different and thus i have always felt shy to express my feelings for anyone. I also fear losing a good friend, as we might not see each other the same way again. I am 18 and in need of your advice. Women have really changed today from the old days which makes it very extremely difficult for many of us good single men really looking for love now.
With most women nowadays that have their careers since most women now are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and very money hungry which certainly tells the whole true story right there.
These type of women that are like this today will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less either unfortunately. So this is a very excellent reason why so many of us good men are still single now as i speak since we really have no reason at all to blame ourselves in the first place.
God forbid for many of us men trying to start a normal conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet which has certainly become very extremely dangerous for us now too. Just saying good morning or hello to a woman could unfortunately get a lot of us men in trouble now since these type of women are ready to yell sexual harassment. Just too many very mentally disturbed women everywhere these days which it will just be safe for many of us men to remain single and go MGTOW now.
His first wife left after 20 years so he is of the opinion that all women are out for money. It stings, and if we are sensitive and deep down really quite loving, it can lead to a hard shell forming until we forget all about the kind, loving, human we started as. It can feel far easier to decide instead that everyone is bad and awful and that is the problem, not that we got hurt, or upset.
Especially so when we do indeed live in a society where men are expected to be tough and non-emotional. But the problem is that this tends to backfire. What would happen if you decided that none of these beliefs were true? An interesting question. Thanks for sharing. I tend to really fall for women who I can never get, because they are far away or emotionally unavailable, and when a woman wants to get close to me I start to shut off my emotions.
I got really badly bullied between the ages of and had no friends at that time. I felt like I could never speak to my mum and dad about my problems. Maybe that has something to do with it. It sounds like you are deeply hurt, which makes sense. And good for you for working with a therapist. Do you trust the therapist? Are you making progress? Have you together looked at the roots of what attracted you to such a woman?
Discussed this anger and how far you feel from being able to love? We do hope so. Hi Hugh, thanks for sharing all this. What makes you think you have to love someone back just because they love you? Where does this pressure come from, who makes you feel you must be in love and have a girlfriend?
Is it possible that you arelearning about what you matters to you in relationships at your own pace? As for the bullying, that is really hard. Do you feel having a girlfriend makes you feel safe and acceptable? There might be a link there. Like, for example, to actually be in a relationship with someone we want to be with. Thank you so much for sharing Monish. The idea that we are all supposed to be in love by 20, or to be physically involved, is a lie totally created by modern media, by film, TV, magazines, advertisements… to sell products.
And it is really not at all psychologically positive. It leads far too many young people, who are entirely healthy and normal, to think they are flawed, or even push themselves to date or have sex way before they are ready for it. The best thing you can do here is try to stop worrying about this and put all your energy into doing things you love that make you feel happy. What hobbies and activities make you feel most yourself? Who do you feel most yourself around and least shy?
Build your confidence and inner happiness, and this will attract the right people towards you more than any worry or feeling you must turn a good friend into a girlfriend. We hope this helps. Gosh, all that sounds very hard and a lot for one person to handle.
Do you have support? A person to talk to? Have you considered reaching out for therapy? The best advice we have is to not worry about this or make it the focus of your life. Instead, make yourself the focus of your life. What do you love to do?
What are your goals? How are you working toward them? How could you do more of what you love that makes you feel good? The more we know ourselves and like ourselves, the more we can feel good letting others know and like us. Hope that helps!
While being with him, everything was content. But he got caught on drugs and I left because things got violent. I have a past of abuse from family… emotionally, physically… sexually.. I got to counseling. I know I have anxiety and depression. I just wish I knew what to do at this point. I just want to know them and as soon as I do, I just go.
I do not talk to them anymore. Just a distant memory. Hi Linda, that sounds hard. As you have read in the article, it could be several things behind your inability to stay in a relationship, and it is worth discussing with a counsellor or therapist — never feeling properly connected to others can leave the best of us lonely and increasingly depressed.
We do hope you seek some support, these patterns can be changed when we have some help to understand ourselves and try new ways of relating! Skyla, thanks for this brave sharing. You have been through a lot in life, it sounds like. Do you feel able to be honest about all this with your counsellor?
Do you feel that a bond of trust is forming with your counsellor? We are really glad to hear you have support. I started dating someone some time ago because I really like them and want them to be happy.
I think I love them. I want to. I know I love them. I feel not good though. Not empty, not sad, not neglected, not needy, not suffocated. Just, not good. Hi Ary, it sounds like a lot of self-blame is going on here. If she or he is so wonderful, they why do they attract not great relationships? They must have issues they need to deal with. It also sounds like you have an instinct against this relationship but are trying to rationalise away your gut feeling here.
Is that really so wonderful? Then the questions become, what in you thinks this is what you deserve? Thinks you must fix othr people? Where did you learn this idea?
We highly recommend you research codependency. Codependency is learned from childhood, so can be tough to break through alone, and a counsellor can provide the warmth and support to help you move forward and recognise your own worth and your that you deserve to be fully loved without having to earn it all the time.
We hope that helps. Now that I got exploring the subject I think there might be various things blocking me from asking girls out and getting into a relaptionship. I may feel a physical attraction to a girl.
And I do feel care about girls which I have as just friends, I may like them as personality and interests and appearance.
I have had a wonderful friendship with someone for about 10 years now. We have always been there for each other and care deeply for one another. He tries to convince me to finally be with him and he has expressed his desire for me to marry him one day. He treats me wonderfully.
He knows full well how I feel about him but he is hoping that one day this will change. The same thing happened with another friend of mine who has been in my life for 2 years. I finally let him go because I felt that keeping him in my life would only hurt him.
Guys like this have never given me a reason not to be interested. They treat me like a princess. They end up being dangerous. There is no love in these relationships with people I feel that I love. I feel like I become obsessed and when I become attached, I have the most difficulty leaving them. I feel love when it is not love at all. I realize that I have been confused about what love means. I know that love is a verb and not just a feeling.
Thank you for this brave sharing. Not feeling attracted to others can be from any of the things in this article, but it could also be something like asexuality. We are not all the same, that is what makes us all so interesting. This is not true. If you are, however, struggling to really connect to others, including friends and family, it could be many things. We would definitely suggest speaking to a professional, who can first rule out personality disorders and then help you get to the root of it.
Look for one with real experience with intimacy and relating issues. Hi Magalena, your pattern is actually classic. An innate fear leads to push pulling and even being mean if feelings of love arise. In any case, what you are talking about is deep rooted stuff. You are aware of the pattern, which is the first step. But now what? Patterns are tough to break alone, which is why they are repeat patterns. Are you willing to seek support over this in the form of counselling or therapy?
So ive known this woman for about 3 years as she is a assistant teacher at my kids school. She has had both of my children in her class. We are 11 years different in age. We both came from back grounds of our exs destroying the family life with drugs.
They were all playing together and we were kicking back at a water park and I was like you know this really make sense The next day I asked her out to dinner. Over time she told me that her dad left her as a child and she also told me one night that she had an abortion. We made a relationship on truth. She still does especially with her children. Anyways I was very gracious of her space, she also has a self proclaimed bubble.
I was also looking for a deeper connection with her, so I did push on it from time to time. But still respected the space. We spent the holidays together we have met each others mothers ect. Fast forward three months into this thing during new years, she grabs me by my face kisses me and looks into my eyes.
She states that I can destroy her world. Then goes on to state that I am really good for her and she is really good for me. Reading I came across abandonment issues which then I started searching which has lead me here. I have in the meantime stated that I needed space because it felt like I needed to avoid her like a saber tooth tiger.
I am at a loss…. In a fight or flight situation I stand too. Just that this is completely up to her. I am my own man and I know there are other fish in the sea.
But I know everyone has issues and I can accept things that most guys cant get passed and run at the first sign of danger. I want this to work not just for me but for all of us. Because it does make sense. Any guidance would be much appreciated. Thank you so much for sharing this Jed. We deeply appreciate your desire to do the right thing, and the obvious kindness and compassion you have for others.
Chorus: I just can? I just can? Verse 2: I try to love you better, I try to love you more, To fill your life with all the joy you? I want to take you to the mountaintop and show the world to you, But I never seem to reach the height that I aspire to. My friend, my heart, my love, I just can? Please fill out the fields below, and we'll send you an email to verify your rating. Cancel and close this window. Would you like to help Beth Champion Mason get heard by industry pros by buying them a song submission credit to Broadjam Music Licensing Opportunities?
Whether this reflects an incompatibility or just you not wanting to be in a relationship , this desire to be without them could override happiness. This is normal to do occasionally, but it becomes a problem when the fantasizing is constant, says Hershenson. Sunday 5 July Monday 6 July Tuesday 7 July Wednesday 8 July Thursday 9 July Friday 10 July Saturday 11 July Sunday 12 July Monday 13 July Tuesday 14 July Wednesday 15 July Thursday 16 July Friday 17 July Saturday 18 July Sunday 19 July Monday 20 July Tuesday 21 July Wednesday 22 July Thursday 23 July Friday 24 July Saturday 25 July Sunday 26 July Monday 27 July Tuesday 28 July Wednesday 29 July Thursday 30 July Friday 31 July Saturday 1 August Sunday 2 August Monday 3 August Tuesday 4 August Wednesday 5 August Thursday 6 August Friday 7 August Saturday 8 August Sunday 9 August Monday 10 August Tuesday 11 August Wednesday 12 August Thursday 13 August Friday 14 August Saturday 15 AugustCLASSIC BLACK & WHITE: With chevron trim reads, "I Can't Say I Love You Enough, So This is Your Reminder" EASILY DISPLAY: Box signs are specially designed to freely stand on their own or hang on the wall SAY IT WITH SASS: Hilarious, sarcastic or heartwarming - Primitives by Kathy has just the right gift to tell them how you really feelReviews: K.